Prof. Trump On Truthful History. Ukraine and WWII
The Truth, The Full of Holes Truth, and Nuttsy Butt’s the Truth
The Truth, The Full of Holes Truth, and Nuttsy Butt’s the Truth
Young students who will go on to become great leaders of our nation learn at the knee of Professor Donald Trump at MAGA University. Among the students are future Senators Lisa Murkowski, Thom Tillis, Mitch McConnell, Roger Wicker (future chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee), Lindsey Graham, and John Thune (future Senate Majority Leader).
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Welcome class. I hope you read my article in The Journal of Delusional History on the current crisis in The Ukraine.
THOMMY TILLIS: I thought it was just “Ukraine”.
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Not any more. We’re going back to THE Ukraine to make it clear that it’s a region of Russia, not a separate nation. Also, its capital city Kiev is pronounce Kee-yev, not Keeve. Anybody I hear call it Keeve flunks for the semester. And gets a well financed primary challenge.
TILLIS: Yes, Professor Trump.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: I thought the article was brilliant! You really showed how that dangerous dictator Volodymyr Zelenskyy attacked those poor Russians and how the courageous President Putin defended his nation against great odds!
PROFESSOR TRUMP: I’m glad you liked it, frat boy. That’ll earn you ten points on the midterm. But today, I will be lecturing you on who started World War II.
JOHNNY THUNE: Oh, I learned about that in high school! Germany invaded Poland!
PROFESSOR TRUMP: No, Johnny, you are mistaken. I don’t blame you for your misapprehension because you probably had some woke, leftist, Marxist, transsexual, America hating teacher who taught you that communist propaganda. But the fact is that the Poles started the war. Just like the way Zelenskyy started the war with Russia.
ROGIE WICKER: I’m president of the school Foreign Affairs Club and I never knew that!
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Then shut up and let me explain. It was September 1, 1939. Cowardly Polish forces attacked the courageous German forces of peace loving Adolph Hitler at 4:45 in the morning. The innocent Nazis had not even had their breakfast! But they were too powerful, brave, and determined to defend the Fatherland to be defeated! So they pushed back the fiendish Poles from the German border and then stopped so their beloved Fuhrer could make peace. Bigly.
LISA MURKOWSKI: Was he able to make peace?
PROFESSOR TRUMP: No. Just like in Ukraine, evil, dangerous dictators rejected the opportunity to make any deal that could have kept the peace and saved their nation. All they would have had to do was give Germany a big chunk of their land. They could have kept the rest for a year of two until it got gobbled up too.
THOMMY TILLIS: Why didn’t they take the deal?
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Because they were stupid, greedy losers who were hungry to seize the land of the courageous, God fearing Aryans…I mean Germans.
MITCH MCCONNELL: Gee! What happened next?
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Just like in Ukraine when the cowardly dictators of the aggressor nation refused to make a deal, the just and courageous injured nation, Germany, had to fight back. So they invaded, crushed the Polish army and seized half the nation.
THUNE: Only half? That was nice of them.
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Yes, Johnny, quite decent. And it shows their essentially reasonable and peace loving nature. They didn’t take the rest until 1941, and then only to protect the Poles from other enemies.
MURKOWSKI: Didn’t the war get a lot bigger? I learned in high school that it covered all of Europe except for Switzerland, Spain, and Portugal.
PROFESSOR TRUMP: Yes it did, Lisa. After Hitler had to invade Poland to protect his nation from unelected, dictatorial aggressors, other nations like France and England attacked him. So he sent the peace loving German army to fight a purely defensive war in which he liberated Denmark, Norway, Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Yugoslavia, Greece, and the Soviet Union. He also had to fight Britain in the air, though being a peace loving man Hitler never sent in troops to take over.
TILLIS: How did the US get tricked into getting into the war on the side of the Evil Allies?
PROFESSOR TRUMP: It was all the fault of President Franklin Roosevelt who was a secret Marxist. I also think he might have been Trans because he let J. Edgar Hoover stay head of the FBI. Roosevelt opposed Hitler because if the German leader succeeded in saving Europe from Marxism then Roosevelt would not be able to install a Marxist dictatorship in the United States that would declare opposite-sex marriage illegal and make all the men wear dresses. Sort of like the way Evil Joe Biden tricked the US into backing The Ukraine against the peace loving Russians.
Russian invasion of Ukraine - Wikipedia
THUNE: Wow! I had no idea.
PROFESSOR TRUMP: That’s because you were brainwashed by the traitorous, Marxist teachers at your high school. Just like you probably thought Russia attacked Ukraine and the dictator Zelenskyy had been elected in a free and fair contest. But here at MAGA U the truth will be revealed.
WICKER: Oh boy. I can hardly wait! What do we learn next!
PROFESSOR TRUMP: In our next lesson we will learn how in the Civil War the Northern States tried to stop the Southern States from giving up slavery, and how the South fought so hard that the North gave up and let them free those in bondage.
