Mob Bosses Welcome Kash to FBI- An End To Government Over Regulation
“Dem Mooks was inteferin’ wid bidness”
“Dem Mooks was inteferin’ wid bidness”
The confirmation of Kash Patel as head of the FBI was greeted today with enthusiasm by the patrons of Luigi’s Clam House in the Little Palermo section of Tri-City. They were especially thrilled by his promise to purge the Bureau of “Deep State Agents”.
“I t’ink dat guy’ll do a bang up job.” said Ernie “The Icepick” Delvecchio. “He seems like good kid an’ I’m sure we can do bid’ness.”
“Dem guys dat was in before was interferin’ wid our legit’mit int’rest.” said Al “Broken Toes” Lupo as he ate a plate of linguini. “It was restraint a’ trade!”
Several of the businessmen at Luigi’s were reluctant to speak on the record, but were happy to talk to this reporter after showing him their specially designed room equipped with several dentist chairs and an array of power tools.
“Dem guys at the FBI.” said one. “I felt sorry for ‘dem fellas. Dey woiked so hard and sometimes didn’t see ‘der fam’lies fa weeks. If ever again. Now we hear dat a bunch a dem got a nice retirement package. Dey dezoives it.”
“Der was dis one broad.” remarked a second unnamed businessman. “Oh, she was sometin’! Dat skoit was on my back night an’ day! Bugs, drones, cam’ras! She even got my brudda to rat on me. Now she’s movin’ ta Wyoming ta run a cattle ranch. I wish her da’ best!”
Another businessmen remarked that the agent in charge of “overseein’ my in’trest” was still on the job. But his five agent team had been fired.
“Dey didn’t dezoiv ta’ lose der jobs.” said the entrepreneur. “I mean, couldn’t dey jest a’ sent ‘dem ta’ watch the boida uh Canada or sometin’? One a’ dem gots kids in college!”
“Gravel Pit” Tony Benzonni was less charitable.
“Dey was all ova’ me. I could hardly boost a truck a’ suits or run dem Russian broads across state lines without ‘dem mooks stickin’ deah’ muso in my bid’ness. Now I can expand. I’ll be providin’ jobs ta de comoonity.”
“E’s got a point ‘der.” said Icepick Delvecchio. “Has youse got any idea how much a driver can make by toinin’ over a truck fulla furs ta us? An’ da guy dat ties him up an’ takes da’ wheel. Dat’s not exactly skilled labor an’ he can pull in 150 ta 250 Gs a year. Dese guys gotta feed ‘der kids.”
“It comes down ta dis.” said Gravel Pit Benzonni. “Da gov’mint was ovah regulatin’ us. Trump promised ta’ pull back da’ regulation an’ free up da entrepreneurial genius a’ da United States. Dis Kash kid gunna do dat. I know it’s gonna woik because my nephew already plans on bringin’ in a coupla trucks a’ AR15s ta sell ovah in Joisey. He couldn’t a’ done dat if da Feds was breathing down our necks!”
“I had my doubts ‘bout Trump.” admitted one of the older businessmen. “I mean, I got ta’ deal wit some Russian types an’ I don’t t’ink dey can be trusted, so I’m not to shua ‘bout him an’ dat Putin guy. But if Patel gunna take da’ heat off so we can chase da American dream, I’m all for it.”
“Tell me.” he asked as this reporter rose to go. “You a forty ‘tree long?”
