Breaking News: Trump Establishes Elon Musk As Fourth Branch of Government
Well, he paid for it.
The Constitution of the United States: A Transcription
In a shocking Executive Order, President Trump today established Elon Musk as a fourth branch of government.
“My Department of Governmental Efficiency, which will be known officially as ‘The Departmentisch of Gouvernement Effizienz’, will hold a position as a kind of Obergruppenführerfor supervising the rest of the government.” Musk explained.
“We’re trying to cut through the old gridlock.” said the President. “So we’re not going to fuck around with that ratification bullshit. We’re taking down the Deep State, meaning the federal bureaucracy sworn to uphold the Constitution. They’re just getting in the way. Elon’s job will be to get shit done. Those other bitches can get out of the way or we’ll steam roller their asses.”
“I’m kind of like a surgeon.” said Musk. “I specialize in amputations, particularly castrations.”
Asked about the role of Congress in American democracy, Musk replied “Who?”
https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/01/p.olitics/elon-musk-federal-government-what-matters/index.html
A number of scholars questioned Trump’s authority to unilaterally and fundamentally alter the structure of government, a structure established almost 240 years ago and changed only under the most unusual circumstances after due deliberation and completion of the required ratification process.
“He can’t just change the Government.” explained one scholar. “The form of the Federal Government is set by the Constitution.”
Upon being told of that statement Trump’s response was “Fuck that. I won in the biggest landslide in the history of the nation.”
Asked how the President could characterize 49.80% of the vote as being a landslide when basic mathematics would establish that 50.20% voted against him, a spokesperson for the White House responded “The President has his own alternative math.”
The new Constitution as posted on the White House website included the new section, which reads as follows:
Article VIII
Section 1: All supervisory Powers to coordinate the other branches of government and their constituent departments shall be vested in a Department of Governmental Efficiency.
Section 2: The Department of Governmental Efficiency shall be headed by an Obergruppenführer appointed by the President and will be composed of operatives chosen by that appointee.
The Obergruppenführer shall report directly to the President and shall be beyond the supervision of any other branch of government.
When asked what the practical effect of this most radical change to governmental structure since 1787 will mean, a spokesperson for the new branch referred to a statement by the new Obergruppenführer.
“This is the critical battle to restore power to the PEOPLE from the massive unelected bureaucracy.” said the unelected Musk at a press conference. “The taxpayers can count on me to protect them from the Deep State bureaucrats and the professional politicians in Congress who use those bureaucrats to enact their schemes. Technically Congress makes the laws, but the President executes the laws while making more through Executive Action, and I supervise it all with ultimate control of spending and personnel.”
Asked what happens if Congress appropriates funds deemed inappropriate by the President or his Obergruppenführer of the Departmentisch of Gouvernement Effizienz, a spokesperson for the department said “What the fuck those bitches going to do?”
As one source within the DOGE explained, “Our main technique will be to infiltrate various departments in the three other branches with our own personnel armed with computer programs, including AI. Basically it’s like an unfriendly takeover of a competing corporation. Or maybe cancer cells getting into your bloodstream.”
“Trust me.” said Musk. “I’m a billionaire.”
To enforce its rule DOGE will have its own enforcement bureau. Agents will be referred to as “J6 Troopers.”
“We have 1,500 loyalists who will be installed as the first of the force.” said a source within the new fourth branch. “Their fidelity to the cause is beyond question. Once they have been trained in proper enforcement techniques each of them will recruit their own ten man team, thus resulting in a force of 16,500. That will be good for starters.”
“You can count on one thing.” said another source. “Trump and Elon aren’t fucking around.”
